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| UGH...
Im feeling some kind of way this morning. I woke up and went to my favorite websit IMDB.com to look up movies and read comments about them. I decided to look up Madea Goes to Jail because I never saw it but wanted to see what people had to say about it. Im not into Madea or Tyler Perry movies because they just arnt my style. I've seen a couple and thought they were ok... but I dont find them THAT funny. ANYWAYS... I was reading comments and it was every thread had something about somebody bein racist. Talkn bout the movie is racist or black people are racist or everybody's racist. I usually ignore things like this but lately I've gotten an opinion about things. Whodathunkit? I wanted to add my two cents to the board but IMDB is gay and makes you put your credit card info in to write comments. So I came to trusty zanguh.
My Two Cents
I feel that there is a lot of racism in the world today and it's not just coming from white people. There are some black people out there that are prejudice against other races and feel they are justified in being that way. I can't speak for ALL black people (no one can speak for an ENTIRE race) but for me I treat people the way I would want them to treat me. I dont like to be labled or put in a box. I am my own person. So I would never pre judge any one based on any outward characteristic NOR would I use any racial slur or anything like that to define a person. I like to educate myself about different cultures so that I don't sound ignorant when speaking about another person.
Now, back to the tyler perry thing... Im not saying that he's prejudice or anything, but I think that some black people have double standard when it comes to being prejudice or racist...what have you. For example, Bossip.com. I go to their website everyday to read the latest gossip and news about the stars and for the most part I enjoy their site because they give you both the good and the bad news regarding black people. But, I don't like some of the terms and phrases they use to address some of the white people they talk about. They are quick to jump on someone for being racist and call them out on it, but theyre doing the same thing. They might try to sugar coat it when they do it by trying to make it a funny statement, but I dont find it appropriate at all. Don't get on New York Post for drawing a racist cartoon (which I found extremely disturbing) and in the same breath call somebody "whitebread". In situations like that I find Bossip to be just as guilty of racism as they claim other people are.
I don't want this to seem like I'm just getting on black people for being racist because A LOT of other races can be just as ignorant. But being a black woman I feel like Im somehow being misrepresented and I dont like people speaking for me or try to make like their views and opinions are mine. I can only lead by example and be the change so to speak so that Im not lumped into that group. People that know me know how I am, but this is the first time I ever really spoke (wrote) about this issue.
I dont see color and I never want to.
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| I am so scared of anyone finding out how lonely I am. I have shut everyone out completely.
So it's been 4 years since my last blog... yea. I was looking back at all my old posts and pictures and have come to the realization that I have done a complete 180 personality wise. It's crazy. My personality has changed so much in 4 years... i guess that's to be expected, but it just feels odd to me. I feel like I knew myself better when I was in high school than I do now that I'm 20. Arn't you supposed to go the other way? Find out who you are at age 20 after you make all the mistakes in high school? I realized a lot in high school and grew from experience, but I think I grew too much. Like i feel like I'm a 40 year old woman now. Lately I've been kind of finding myself but then im stopped by the whole "your 20, you will be finished with college next year, then you are off to the real world." I feel like the me I am right now, the chucks wearin, non matchn, pierced up type chick, doesnt cut it at this stage in the game. I also dont want to become the 40 year old woman that dresses more conservatively and doesnt have a piercing. I'm in limbo. I feel so immature compared to other people at school that are also juniors and just have this "adult" mindset. I may come off like this mature girl, but my mind is childish. Everything is so out of wack and I'm so confused! I just want to go with the flow and let things happen naturally like enjoy my child-like mind while i still have it and still try to focus on my schoolwork and all that other adult crap.
I don't know.... but i guess im not really supposed to?
I miss my kaydie. I was truely happy when we were good friends. We didn't have a care in the world and did what we wanted when we wanted. But ever since I moved we drifted further and further apart because I became more dull everyday. UGH!
And I'm suprised Yurri's still around because I've changed so much. Im no longer the 11th grader he met in high school. Im his mom! But, he loves me regardles... i guess.
I just want to put on my spider man watch and feel like it's ok.
I guess its just me and my over thinking everything. Like I never cared what people thought of me before... NOW i do and it sucks. I hate being self conscious and over thinking my actions. Its so dumb and I know it is, and yet I continue to stress.
I want my confidence back. I want my style back. I want my mind back. I want destiny back. Cuz this new me isn't me at all and it isn't working out.
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| I think its time to take a break from Xanga.. at least for now. Maybe ill update in the summer if im not too busy, but i dunno. . i have a myspace now which is a lot easier than zanguh cuz i dont have to post my life story.. so yea.. if u wanna talk to me leave me comments on my myspace.. not here. if you dont know my myspace name thing then ur out of luck... have a nice day!
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| Do you have a band-aid?
Because I just scraped my knee falling for you!
today after school while i was driving home listening to my favorite staind song For You and getting really emotional i guess, this feeling of "joy" came rushing through my body. i havent felt that happy in ... i dont know how long. it was so refreshing. and now im in a really good mood and im laughing with my family and juss bein happy for no reason. my mom said that im acting like my old self. which is good to hear. but yea.. juss thought id share that with yall.
I tried to take a pic of my mohawk from today.. you can kinda see it in the pic. i want a real 1. I cant wait till i turn 18 so i can get my lip pierced and cut my hair. im tryin to get my mom to let me cut my hair real short for my 17th birthday.. but i dont think shell let me. i gues i can wait 2 more years. me n kaydi.. gon be doin BIG!
i know i look mad in the pic, but i swear i was happy. lol.
and i took a pic of the sky.. cuz i thought it was pretty.
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my brain hurts. Ive got so many things on my mind right now. well actually i dont. i think im just tired. all this week my sleep time has been very limited. which isnt good because iv had SOLs all week. I hope i passed. but iv been very angry also. because of the lack of sleep. i didnt even go to my softball game yesterday cuz i was in a bad mood. lol. i dont know whats wrong with me. i think that this house is driving me crazy. i need to get out. thas why i want a job. so i can have something to do. and so i can have money and pay my mom back for messn up my car...again. i knocked off the side mirror tryin to back out of the garage. i feel so bad cuz i keep doin things to that car that cost a lot of money. and i didnt even have to ride the bus to school the next day for punishment. my mom was juss like "it happens" and let me drive her car. im glad she wasnt mad but she could of at least yelled at me n made me clean the house or somethin.. that woulda made me feel a little better, but no. now i feel bad. and now im in school scared to death that my moms car's gunna get towed! cuz this school is flippn gay! Ugh!!! i cant wait to go bak to FP. at least they have places for the students to park unlike this stupid behin school. but thas another thing on my mind. im "contemplatin where im gunna lay you down" lol sorry. had an Usher moment. lol. but yea.. i dont know if i want to go to fp next year or stay here. :/ cuz i mean i HATE this school, its the gayest school ever, but i like bein the girl that nobody knows. im like invisible and i love it. unlike at FP im always the talk of the school. and even tho i could care less wat people think of me, i juss like to be left alone. but yea.. i dunno. im prolly gunna go bak to fp tho regardless. now my head hurts more and im really sleepy. hopefully i feel better after school when i see Yurri. I cant wait.
I want you now.. More like yesterday.
yea. so i definetly wrote a whole effin page about my weekend and my dumb computer erased it all... ugh. so imma attempt to rewrite it.
* friday: went to prom.. good stuff. had fun with my baby
* saturday: chilled with yurri some more. saw House of Wax. it was a surprisingly good movie. Chad Michael Murray {drools} lol. enough said.
* sunday: ran some errands. went to Fairoaks Mall to get my pics of my baby from CVS, and Walmart to get some stuff. then chilled for the rest of the day at home. relaxin..
so yea.. thats pretty much it. I would post a pic but im too lazy rite now. so maybe later. | | |
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